I've Changed

9. You’ve become more egocentric.

It’s not that you don’t appreciate other people, you just don’t really care. You’re there for those who matter to you most, but everyone else could not exist and you would barely notice.

Since the moment you were broken, you became your first priority.

Old friends

The last few days have been heartwarming... Almost like the universe is telling me that in fact, despite how I may feel, and the events of the last few months, and years even... That I have made some solid friendships... That people do remember me...

When it comes down to it... Isn't that what matters... Will we be remembered? Did we matter? Were we loved, were we missed? Did we make a difference..?

All I want, all that I care about are the few relationships that I have... Where I can care, love and give with all my heart, and not have to care about what I get back in return. Where I can tell someone I was worried about them, that I missed them and that's ok. That it just means that they are someone special in my life.

In a world where we're all so very connected... It seems it's harder than ever to tell someone what they mean to you. That people are so easily replaced, that it's ok if you lose contact with someone... Tomorrow there will be others... The past is forgotten, they are forgotten.

There will always be others, but a moment shared with someone can never be erased... It lasts a lifetime and it's precious. It's a form of connection that brings joy and comfort to the soul... It's something we can't fabricate, yet we can so easily experience it just by being real with one another.

I just want to be real. That I do feel, and that I am aware of the moment. That good or bad, I'll experience every aspect of it, to do them justice that they deserve, I won't succumb to numbness as a way to bypass it.

I will endure. 

With Beauty, Comes Pain.

It's so sad that we blindly forgo the beauty around us, 
to try and grasp worlds beyond our reach. 
In pursuit of a new planet to replace our own, 
Are we ashamed of the condition we've brought Earth to? 
Of how deeply and irrevocably we've tainted it?
And then, what of the anomalies, of life, of the beauty around us that will inevitably and ultimately perish?
Since when, that in choosing Earth and the Diversity of Life, was I to be choosing a loosing battle?

Inspired by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oevXkJY-fE&feature=share

When you realise your potential

I'm sitting here writing this, after having completed the last bit of development on a project I had started over 3 years ago. I was inspired by my mentor, to address an issue that was slowly crippling the finance industry.

We're on the precipice of transforming an industry with a product that's turning heads. It has the potential to save companies hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of dollars a year in overhead expenses while keeping jobs in Australia. As blown away as I feel when my mind wonders onto the possibilities, I am just as eerily calm and lost in thought, almost beginning to feel adrift all over again.

Though this is just the beginning of something large and possibly life transforming, I can't help wonder what's next. I look to the greats like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Richard Branson, to all the wonders they have achieved, and I am left to wonder; what my next challenge will be? How will I choose to add value to society next?

Deep down, I already know what I want. I want Space. I want to work with hardware and propulsion technology. I admire Elon's progression from Paypal to SpaceX and I feel it's exactly what I want for myself. I want to be building drones and rockets, I want to be on the edge of advancing the human race beyond Earth. I want to be a pioneer.

If I can transform one industry for the better, then what's stopping me from achieving success in every area of my life I set my focus on? I'm not 30 yet, and I feel and behave like I'm 15 during the best of times. I have a long way to go yet with regards to maturity and I'm looking forward to every setback, mistake, failure along the way to my successes.

I'm made of my failures, every scar I have has only made that portion of me more resilient.

Every setback only adds fuel to the fire. So bring on the hurt, you'll only set me ablaze.

- Brad

Getting my shit together

It's ironic, my business is to work with financial dealer groups, helping them optimise their business processes and save time and money. I'm constantly in touch with financial planners and accountants who are amazing with money... Yet I still have no personal budget, I have applied little to none, of what I learn from my clients to my own life!

So today I finally sat down, and got my shit together. I did some research into my spending habits, figured out exactly what my fixed expenses were, my income and so on.

I now have an idea of how much disposable income I actually have... and how much money I have been spending needlessly on things I could have easily made do without. It honestly feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

My immediate to do list is empty now. I smashed all the updates with the commission system, processed all the admin for my business and even got my personal finances in order. I think a solid workout before bed, and an early start tomorrow will be perfect to keep this momentum going.

Loving the results of my new attitude towards life. Cheers to getting shit done! 

I haven't forgotten

More than a year on since my last post, life got quite insane and I forgot I had this outlet, until of late. I've been feeling desperate to write, to release my thoughts onto a medium that isn't imposing, so here's a quick catch up of whats been happening...

India is far behind me, so with it my professional and personal interests that led me away from the land down under for almost a year. Honestly speaking though, being back feels just as alien as it first felt going to India. I really don't know where I fit in right now, especially since falling out of my longest relationship to date.

Since the start of the year, I founded a new company, and put a team together to develop a few products, driven by my experience and ideas that have been percolating in my head over the last 3 years. We signed our first client a few weeks ago.

Last week, I shared our company vision with a government grants program, the first stage was very promising, and really it validated our company and the products we were working on.

Sometimes though, taking stock isn't enough, and you just want answers as to why you are where you are. Whether you're where you should be, geographically and life in general.

A long time ago, I chose a path that led me away from my peers and all things familiar. It's been a battle every day since then, with life and with myself. The natural human instinct at most times is to conform and fit in, I would say I've been quite the outsider for most of mine, a nomad.

Despite this, I'd choose the same path again, if given the choice. I'd choose it much, much sooner too. Though it's a lonely road, I think it's probably a lot more lonelier to be a part of a crowd and not really know who you are without them.

I know who I am and what I want, I do what make me happy everyday, and I make a difference.
Sure, I maybe feeling a bit lost right now, but hey, if you were just spat out of a storm of loss, failure and disappointment (which pretty much describes 2014), I'm sure most of you would be too.

Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, but if life isn't a battle, you simply aren't alive.

The First Good Sign

23:40 GMT +05:30 03/02/2014

I just finished demonstrating a task for a project with a ridiculously short lead time. It was approved two days ago, and is due tomorrow, along with a few other similar tasks.
Dileep, who I hired 4 months back listened and watched well, he'll have the jobs done by morning.

What I am feeling right now, this peace of mind, this confidence or whatever you may call it, it's new to me. It's the latest development in my plan to expand my business, it's also the first good sign since I started.

Six months ago, I began the process of developing a technical support branch in India, 10,000 miles from home, using only the cash flow in my business. Zero loans, zero investors and a truck load of doubts.

Talk about jumping into the deep end.